We Moved

One of the steps I have taken to help us out in the bank account balance area of our lives is to move us out of our little 3 bedroom house. And into one room. At my mom's house. Yikes.

When I started getting hit with more expenses than money and slowly creeping farther behind, I realized I had a choice. I could change something, or I could bury myself in lots of debt, start playing the lottery, and succumb to a future of living paycheck to paycheck and accumulating more debt. So I decided to change something, and since my rent was the biggest money-stealer and my biggest stress, I started with that. I asked my mom and step-dad if they'd let us move in for "a while" and they agreed. Thankfully. I can't say enough how lucky we are to have such an amazing, supportive family.

I immediately felt a sense of relief. I know everyone has the burden (if that's what I should call it?) of living expenses and I do want to have the responsibility of paying for our place of dwelling, but I didn't realize just how much it was affecting me until it was temporarily lifted from my shoulders. Temporarily. The stress (and expense) of moving swooped right in to take the place of the other stress, but I still have the sense of not falling further behind which helps to remind me that I am doing the right thing.

Someday, I want to own a home. A home for me and little man, a place of our own, an investment, security and a place to give us a foundation and stepping stone for a more stable future. A place that we will be invested in and give our love to and make it ours. That was never going to happen if we stayed in our rental. And so, although its been a humbling experience, and even though I have little voices inside telling me that at 32 (gulp) years old with a child of my own, I should not have to depend on my parents like this, I do feel as though I made a grown-up decision and that this is a responsible move.

Of course there is sacrifice that goes along with that. I don't mind sharing a room with my little guy, but I do have to alter how I do things to make that work for both of us. I'm temporarily giving up some privacy and independence, space, and most of my things (which are sitting in a storage unit). But what it comes down to is my little guy's happiness, and its obvious that he is good, and happy - so I am good, and happy, too. And for his first move, he's adjusting very well. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the daily smoothies prepared for him by his Auntie V, or special things he gets to do with his grandma like water plants and feed the animals on their walks, or having 2 dogs and a cat to play with.... :)

Its been an emotional process, largely because this is the house where I found out I was pregnant with Z, where I set up his nursery, where my friends and family painted and decorated for us, and where I carefully hung the letters of his name next to mural that our friend painted, where I rocked him to sleep and nursed him and where he experienced the vast majority of his "firsts". Even thought we didn't own the house, it was our home and up to now the only home my son has ever known. I will miss it for those emotional ties, and I will remember it fondly because of that. But those memories and feelings live with us, and not with the house, so we will bring them with us wherever we dwell.